Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i came on her dog
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
