addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
