let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
