i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
