Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
