Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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