It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
