Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
