I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
