Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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