Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i dont even know how to be here
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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