i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
