were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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