think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
