I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
