haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
