Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
