your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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