Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
