a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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