I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
