a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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