i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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