So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
