I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
