i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
