our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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