You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
