Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
