I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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