I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
