Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
