i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
