apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
