I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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