she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
