I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
