I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Farmville is her only friend.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
