youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
