Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
