I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
