:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
