I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
