It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
