Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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