yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
