I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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