Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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