And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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