i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm having to shit out rocks
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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