is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
